Keep on reading for one of Cassie's diary entries... or scroll to the bottom for details on the look. ~Jackie ;)
July 09, 2019
Hey, it's me again… I don’t remember the last time I wrote in here. It seems that I just write when I’m in a crisis. Based on the date of my last entry, it was when daddy came for the last time. He took some silverware, with obvious needle marks on his arms, and he was gone with the 4 a.m. fog. I remember getting down on my knees and attempting a prayer but the words never came. I did the same thing today. God is such a funny thing. I’m practically sure everyone believes in the ultimate existence at one point or another of their lives. I believed in him today. Just for a second and then I remembered what I was planning on asking…
I’m pregnant and I have never felt more fear in my life. I haven’t told anyone, not even Mckay. It’s eating me up inside. I am incapable of relaxing my shoulders. I can’t eat. I can’t sleep. I feel like I’m on the verge of falling at all times. Perpetually waiting to drown. I think of everything in a cloud of nothingness. I smiled when I took the test. I felt relieved, no… I felt pure happiness when I saw the double lines. I’ve always had an obsession with motherhood and I loved the thing inside me instantly, more than anything or anyone in my whole life but the clout arrived and I felt like the pea under the weight of the princess and her collection of mattresses. Darkness. Haven’t been able to breathe the same. Everything is so fucking weird. Now, I’m irreparably sad. Sadder than I have ever been and, if it’s possible to know, sadder than I’ll ever be. I want him so bad but I want, even more, to be able to offer him everything he needs to be healthy and happy. And I can’t. I know I can’t. It’s so hard to admit but I can’t love him right now like I want to love him. My love is only blurred and muddied by regret and anxiety. Burden that I will not bestow on him.
I found this on the internet today:
https://www.health.harvard.edu/medical-tests-and-procedures/abortion-termination-of-pregnancy-a-to-z
It doesn’t make me feel better. To be honest, it makes me want to throw up. I’m disgusted by myself. I know it’s the right thing to do. I know it. I know it. I know it. I. Know. It. I. KNOW. IT. I. KNOW. I… understand that it’s my body and I have every right over it but no matter how much I read, It feels wrong. I’m buried under an unbearable guilt that strangles. It’s not fair! It’s not fair! It’s not fair. What man has ever felt guilty for getting a girl pregnant? They feel shitfaced scared for themselves. They think about everything they would have to give up. Their football. Friday nights. The not so occasional one-night stands. What about me? Never guilt. No, never guilt. Never disgust. Never shame. Women carry the guilt of humanity in their bellies and therefore give birth to roses.
I want the freedom to love my baby the way I want to love him. Whenever I am ready to. I want to be unchained from my sexuality. I want to not hate myself. I want to swim on ice. I want mom. I’ve decided…
Hey there! Jackie here. The diary entry above is inspired by the events in the character's life, as well as, her personality . Based on Euphoria, I would imagine Cassie with a diary, so I thought to give her a voice. At the same time, it was important to me to be able to offer some reliable sites with helpful information about this very difficult topic. (P.s. The pictures are not really related to the entry, they're just the pictures of the outfit inspired by the character; which, I'll be discussing down below.)
This is Cass. She's a sweet and popular girl at East Highland. She has a very hard time with relationships because of her past sexual history, but mostly, because of her issues with her dad; who left his family when Cassie was a very young girl.
She's a cheerleader but seems to have a deep passion with figure ice skating. She was unable to continue to practice but turns to it when she's feeling overwhelmed.
In my opinion, Cassie has the most conventional style, very girly, quite simple, inevitably sexy because of who she is, but it almost borderlines with standards. This makes sense to me because I feel that Cass still hasn't found her identity and feels comfortable with just fitting in. This picture was my go-to in recreating her look.
My Look Diary
1) Pink Sexy Tank - Mine's lace but here's a cute alternative from Princess Polly
2) Pink Outerwear - My favorite baby pink Blazer from Kenneth Cole. Here's a Zara alternative.
3) Light Colored Straight-Leg pants - Jeans ZW Premium Marine Straight from Zara
4) Platform Sneakers - Puma Suede Platform Trace Women's Sneakers
Thank you for reading me.
Stay Curious.
Jackie
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